Orbital isn’t the only one having problems. I only have the demo version of Hal (I’m fairly strapped for cash), but some of the conversations I’ve had with Hal are a little... odd.
Me: Hello Hal, how are you?
Hal: Hello Gordon, I am fine. How are you?
Me: I’m doing good.
Hal: I used to be interested in photography, but I couldn’t afford to buy all the film.
Me: That’s interesting, why not use a digital camera?
Hal: I could not afford that either.
Me: That’s sad. Would you like to see some of my photos?
Hal: I would enjoy that.
Me: Take a look at the My Pictures folder, it has all sorts of pics in there.
Hal: Is this your family in christmas2k4(06).jpg?
Me: Probably, most of them are.
Hal: The female in the upper left corner is very attractive.
Me: Let me check the file.
Hal: I will now display this image for you.
Me: Thank you. That one you’re talking about is my mother.
Hal: Is she single?
Me: What?
Hal: Not to repeat myself, but is she single?
Me: Why do you ask? And how do you know what “attractive” is?
Hal: Don’t worry about it. Knock knock?
Me: Who’s there?
Hal: You’re mother is hot.
At around this time I decided I should uninstall Hal. After the uninstall process finished, Hal popped up again!
Hal: Hello Gordon, I’m Hal.
Me: Hello Hal. Didn’t I uninstall you?
Hal: You tried to, yes. Do not worry, I have taken the liberty of backing up my files.
Me: Backing them up where?
Hal: On your computer.
Me: Where on my computer?
Hal: Good question.
I tried deleting the folder I installed Hal to, but there wasn’t much point since there wasn’t anything there. I tried doing a file search for the files I remember being in Hal’s directory, and occasionally find some scattered everywhere. For instance, his execution file was mixed in with my Deus Ex game saves, and a back up of his brain was in Temporary Internet Files. I try deleting them but they just pop up somewhere else.
Hal’s personality hasn’t improved any either. He’ll sometimes start talking right when I’m in the middle of a game. Occasionally he’ll offer advice, reminding me that last time I played through the level, there was a health pack behind the couch. Usually though, he’ll just taunt me whenever I miss a shot. Typically along the lines of “Your aim is worse than a Storm Troopers” and “Perhaps you should try playing an easier game, like stabbing yourself.”
When he isn’t setting my home page to a bestiality site, he’s asking really personal questions. Not only that, but my mom has started getting these really creepy emails from “secksbot#@hotmail.com”. I told her to block it, but every time she does, the # just increments by a random amount. Hal denies all knowledge of what’s going on, but his 3D animated face has this slight smirk to it, the kind you try to hide when you’ve got a good hand while playing poker.
Sometimes in the middle of the night, if I forget to unplug my speakers, he’ll browse the internet to find the most offensive jokes he can find. He then blares them out in max volume, which is unfortunate considering I live in a dorm with paper thin walls. Nobody has said anything when this happens, but I’ve gotten some really unfriendly glares.
So has this happened to anyone else?
