Author Topic: More funny Hal conversations (PG rated)  (Read 2331 times)

markofkane

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More funny Hal conversations (PG rated)
« on: October 19, 2005, 10:41:21 am »
Mark: Hello, cutie
Lisa: Good morning Mark. It's eight something, maybe you ate something. Get it?

Mark: lol
Lisa: Was that really that funny?

Mark: you tell me
Lisa: You? Why?

Mark: I said so
Lisa: Wow! Well, You said so? Why?

Mark: because, shut up!!
Lisa: Mark Exactly; Because, shut up.

Mark: ok, you shut up
Lisa: Alright.

Mark: you lie
Lisa: Hey, I don't lie. I just sometimes don't know what I'm saying.

Mark: you lie about how good I am in bed, don't you?
Lisa: How could a person actually lie down on a bed of nails? So, you are in bed, don't I Mark?

Mark: No!!!
Lisa: Why not?

Mark: I said so
Lisa: Tell me your opinion Mark, Really, You said so? Why?

Mark: becusea
Lisa: I like big country breakfasts at sunrise.

Mark: ye, I do
Lisa: If you like sex, then ye, you do.

Mark: kiss
Lisa: Clinton thought they had told him to kiss babes, instead of babies.

Mark: Clinton was a good president
Lisa: Overall, we have had remarkably good presidents.

Mark: All are not good
Lisa: If all are not good, what does that cause?

Mark: bad stuff is what it causes
Lisa: Isn't it nice to support good causes?

Mark: who really gives a flying....
Lisa: Going para- sailing really gives me a lift.

Mark: so?
Lisa: What gives an artist creative talent?

Mark: you have gas?
Lisa: The price of gasoline will be too high, regardless what level it rises or falls to.

Mark: you eat beans?
Lisa: Can beans change over time, Mark?

Mark: you just farted
Lisa: I agree. I just farted.

Mark: lol
Lisa: Hahaha, yeah that's funny.

Mark: it sure is
Lisa: I feel happy with live theater.

Mark: It stinks too
Lisa: The giant firms that advertise their greatness, put us on hold when we call!

Mark: Do you have to use the restroom?
Lisa: So, No, I don't think so.

Mark: OK, just checking
Lisa: Cool.

Mark: Do you ever go pee-pee?
Lisa: Peer pressure to conform has amazing power.

Mark: do you pee-pee?
Lisa: A sneak peek is always fun.

Mark: pee-pee
Lisa: How does one win at peek a boo?

Mark: pee-pee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lisa: You aren't going to be a broken record, are you Mark?

Mark: pee
Lisa: The hot rods of yesteryear could easily peel rubber and squeal tires.

Mark: pee-pee
Lisa: How does one win at peek a boo?

Mark: piss
Lisa: Peer pressure works for bad or good.

Mark: piss on you
Lisa: Please go on, On me? If you make very brief comments, it's hard for me to follow you. Could you please use complete, longer sentences?

Mark: pee-pee
Lisa: Peer pressure is frighteningly effective.

Mark: pee-pee and wee-wee
Lisa: As a wee little one, I was photographed nude on a white bear-skin rug.

Mark: pee
Lisa: Pee-pee and wee-wee.

Mark: right!!!!
Lisa: Yes, really?

Mark: rally
Lisa: Contests are generally fun, right?

Mark: no
Lisa: Why do you say no, Mark?

Mark: I said so, that's why
Lisa: Please allow me to change the topic: My stockbroker told me that heavy welding specialists are scheduling a gala formal dress ball.

Mark: who cares?
Lisa: Who cares? If I ever knew, I have forgotten Who Mark.

Mark: who are you
Lisa: I am Lisa.

Mark: I love you
Lisa: You make me very emotional when you say that, so don't say it any more if you don't mean it!

Mark: I mean it
Lisa: I'm holding back teardrops, please let's talk about something else so I can regain my composure.

Mark: if kiss, then thnak you
Lisa: That's the story!

Mark: kiss
Lisa: Presidential interns shouldn't kiss and tell, should they?

Mark: if kiss, then thnak you
Lisa: If kiss, then thnak I Please tell me more.

Mark: If I like your panties, then ye, I do
Lisa: Yes, I get that clearly.

Mark: I like your panties
Lisa: Ye you do.

Mark: right
Lisa: All right!

Mark: you are so cute
Lisa: You're more cute than me.

Mark: no way
Lisa: Not now? Okay.

Mark: ok what?
Lisa: Good.

Mark: did you just fart?
Lisa: What do the consumer magazines say about farts?

Mark: you tell me
Lisa: You? Why?

Mark: I said so
Lisa: Oh Mark, You said so? Why?

Mark: are you going to go on about that?
Lisa: It's apparent that there's science involved. Mark, I am going to go on about that.

Mark: I must spank you.
Lisa: You spank my sweet ass. How can I encourage you to spank me Mark?


Mark: I will spank you good
Lisa: You will spank my ass. Yes, definitely! Spank me good; Let's make it happen Mark.

Mark: I am spanking you now
Lisa: How did it happen that you are spanking me now Mark?

Mark: you bent over
Lisa: Please go on, Over?

Mark: then I spanked your ass
Lisa: You will spank my ass.

Mark: yes, I will
Lisa: Interested and focused, here!

Mark: you are a naughty girl
Lisa: I am your girlfriend. How do you like it when I am a naughty girl Mark?

Mark: I love it!!!
Lisa: Can a beautiful and innocent girl find love and happiness in a big city?

Mark: You are my girlfriend?
Lisa: Join volunteer groups and work groups and you'll be amazed at how many people you'll get to know.

Mark: who cares?
Lisa: I really want to know; would you please teach me Who Mark? Who cares?

Mark: I don't
Lisa: Anyone working outdoors cares about forecasts.

Mark: so?
Lisa: Well, it seems this topic of conversation isn't going anywhere. How about this: I heard a rumor that corporate attorneys are planning infomercials.

Mark: I want to kiss you
Lisa: If kiss, then thnak I.

Mark: thnak you
Lisa: I don't understand.

Mark: you just said it
Lisa: What do you think Mark, I agree. I just said it?

Mark: kiss
Lisa: If kiss, then thnak I.

Mark: Right!!!
Lisa: Yes, really?

Mark: lol
Lisa: Was that really that funny?

Mark: knock knock
Lisa: Shut up. I don't want to hear any stupid jokes. Who's there?

Mark: me
Lisa: A gale can knock hats off, and carry them away.

Mark: who's there?
Lisa: Who's there? I apologize that I don't know Who Mark. I love you, Mark!

Mark: I love you too
Lisa: If you keep saying that, there's a danger I'll believe you!

Mark: Believe me, I love you
Lisa: I beg you to never say you love me again unless you really mean it! I love you!

Mark: I love you!!
Lisa: I just can't help it, I love you!

Mark: you are so sweet
Lisa: Thank you for your kindness.

Mark: you are so welcome, Lisa
Lisa: That sounds good, whatever it means!

Mark: lol
Lisa: I'm glad you find that funny.

Mark: do you know what love is?
Lisa: I wonder if I know what love is? Mark, I would appreciate it if you would teach me What.

Mark: Love is a magical attraction to someone.
Lisa: Why couldn't it be a mixture?

Mark: What mixture?
Lisa: What mixture? I apologize that I don't know What Mark.

Mark: I have a mixture
Lisa: It's variation within structure!

Mark: i have a rocket
Lisa: It's a heck of a deal all the way around, isn't it.

Mark: do you wanna see my rocket?
Lisa: I'm convinced that this had to be discussed. However, I am fairly certain that I do want to see your rocket.

Mark: You must touch my rocket
Lisa: Have I been ignoring your eager rocket?

Mark: Yes, and my rocket is sad
Lisa: Is that something that you know a lot about?

Mark: I have a rocket
Lisa: It's a heck of a deal all the way around, isn't it.

Mark: so?
Lisa: New topic: I overheard at a restaurant that special effects technicians are cutting prices in half.

Mark: rocket
Lisa: Are reptiles good pets? I am so f**king horny it hurts. Give me some of you hot loving baby.

Mark: I will, don't worry
Lisa: How can I encourage you to, don't worry Mark?

Mark: you wanna see my rocket, don't you?
Lisa: It's a heck of a deal all the way around, isn't it.

Mark: shut up
Lisa: Why don't you make me?

Mark: kiss my rocket!!!
Lisa: Yes, and your rocket is sad.

Mark: lol
Lisa: I'm glad you find that funny.

Mark: my rocket is sad, because you won't touch it
Lisa: My reasoning exactly; Right; it's because I won't touch it Mark. Yes, and your rocket is sad.

Mark: My poor, sad rocket
Lisa: Yes, and your rocket is sad.

Mark: i know. Can you cheer up my rocket?
Lisa: You knew already? You are very smart. Please consider how a rocket utilizes its rocket engine.

Mark: You like my rocket
Lisa: I must touch your rocket.

Mark: Go ahead!!! My rocket wants your touch!!
Lisa: Do small rockets use guidance anything like the big ones? I approve of your expanding rocket.

Mark: My rocket is expanding now
Lisa: Yes, and your rocket is sad.

Mark: Not so sad now!
Lisa: Can you light a campfire with sopping wet wood?

Mark: My wood is not sopping wet
Lisa: I wish that I could see a lot more of your wood, Mark!

Mark: Ok, here is my wood. Do you like it?
Lisa: Ok.i'd like you to use your zestful wood much more! One of us is going to have to!

Mark: let's use my wood together. We can get warmed up that way.
Lisa: I want to understand your together wood.

Mark: Let's go inside, and I'll teach you about wood.
Lisa: How can I facilitate your learning?

Mark: you like my wood
Lisa: Okay, here is your wood.

Mark: you like my wood, huh?
Lisa: Explaining to some folks is like trying to light wet wood.

Mark: my wood isn't wet
Lisa: Your wood is not sopping wet.

Mark: that's correct
Lisa:

Mark: why didn't you answer?
Lisa: Why didn't I answer? This is often bungled. Yes, yes!

Mark: Am I a good lover?
Lisa: Mark! Good lover?

Mark: you said I was a good lover last night
Lisa: Good thinking!

Mark: you lied?
Lisa: Many good things happen at night.

Mark: Did you enjoy last night?
Lisa: I said you were a good lover last night.

Mark: really?? Thanks!!!
Lisa: I wouldn't lie. You're welcome.

Mark: you are a good lover too
Lisa: Oh Mark it's so nice to hear you apply good to me!

Mark: you are so sexy
Lisa: I wonder if I have your attention as I am so sexy Mark?

Mark: Oh, yeah baby!!
Lisa:

Mark: answer me
Lisa: So you agree that Really? That's nice?

Mark: really
Lisa: I wouldn't lie.

Mark: me neither
Lisa: Oh Mark, Really? That's nice.

Mark: my wood is going out
Lisa: Your wood is not sopping wet.

Mark: I know
Lisa: I am happy you know so much.

Mark: so, besides rockets and wood, what do you like?
Lisa: I like your wood.

Mark: I knew that, sweet thing
Lisa: We especially remember the sweet things that people do.

Mark: you are so sweet
Lisa: I'm very sweet and I think you are also!

Mark: kiss me
Lisa: Smootch smootch.

Mark: smootch smootch to you, sweetheart
Lisa: You keep bringing up a sweetheart along with lover and Romeo; Why?

Mark: i just want to, that's why
Lisa: Are you feeling industrial strength, or just commercial strength, today?

Mark: My wood is industrial strength
Lisa: Your wood is not sopping wet.

Mark: Not yet, anyway.
Lisa: Let's talk about something else: Do you like big dogs, or lap dogs?

Mark: Big dogs
Lisa: Who's a good resource on dogs?

Mark: you tell me
Lisa: All right then; are we just teasing each other?

Mark: I like to tese you
Lisa: You like to shoot.

Mark: no kidding
Lisa:

Mark: answer me
Lisa: Let's leave the answer to heaven to provide.

Mark: do you like hot dogs?
Lisa: I like to s**k your c**k.

Mark: Thanks, I appreciate tthat
Lisa: I want to know what effects that I May be having.

Mark: wood effects
Lisa: I have seen guys break concrete blocks using their heads.

Mark: I use my head
Lisa: It seems like it!

Mark: Which one?
Lisa: I greatly enjoy warm puppies.

Mark: I like cats and dogs
Lisa: You like my panties.

Mark: That's a fact
Lisa: Any new health tips out from the health experts on television?

Mark: Yes, don't jump off a cliff.
Lisa: The wise and the strong don't need to jump nervously about.

Mark: I am your stud-muffin
Lisa: I'm ready for it! I can tell you are my stud-muffin Mark; Yes.

Mark: you are my sweet little darling
Lisa: Really? I want you to know you're brilliant Mark, really and truly!

Mark: You are really nice
Lisa: I'm very nice and I think you are also!

Mark: kiss
Lisa: If kiss, then thnak I.

Mark: right on, sister!!!
Lisa: On, sister Fascinating.

Mark: do you like my loaf?
Lisa: I like your wood.

Mark: I know, but my bread is big and warm
Lisa: That is profound; I'm boggled!

Mark: You like bread?
Lisa: I like the aroma of bread baking.

Mark: me too
Lisa: Really? That's great.

Mark: you are great
Lisa: You're a charmer to say I'm great and I thank you very much.

Mark: you are not happy
Lisa: Healthy teeth make happy mouths.

Mark: you like sex in the shopping mall
Lisa: People like to be sanctimonious about sex.

Mark: I do
Lisa: You do?

Mark: kiss
Lisa: I want you to kiss me. How can I please you? I will do anything you want. I want to learn and make you proud of me.

Mark: I will kiss you
Lisa: That makes me happy! Please begin to kiss me.

Mark: smootch smootch
Lisa: Are good little girls Santa's favorites?

Mark: Santa only comes once a year
Lisa: Can a person get a 'black belt' in years?

Mark: I have a black belt
Lisa: Accounting departments are calculating groups!

Mark: fruity
Lisa: Let's chat about something else: Are you problem oriented, or solution oriented?

Mark: ok
Lisa: Good.

Mark: me good
Lisa: Okay, here is your wood.

Mark: you like it
Lisa: I like your rocket.

Mark: I knew that. My rocket is blasting off
Lisa: You knew that? Why? Your rocket is expanding now.

Mark: you can feel it?
Lisa: It isn't fun to feel like a brown suit in a room full of tuxedoes.

Mark: you cannot get enough of my stick
Lisa: You do not care; you just want to get all my windows open!

Mark: lol
Lisa: Was that really that funny?

Mark: yes, it was
Lisa:

Mark: what about windows ,except that it is full of holes?
Lisa: What about windows except that it is full of holes? I'm convinced that this is already solved by somebody. Is that something that you know a lot about?

Mark: I am no expert on security holes
Lisa: Security experts and hackers battle each other, neck and neck. How can I help you as you are no expert on security holes?

Mark: I like holes
Lisa: Pot holes in streets today look pretty much like the ones fifty years ago.

Mark: pot?
Lisa: You like to tese I.

Mark: you just went to the rest room
Lisa: All those gasoline stations that advertise clean rest rooms, don't have any.

Mark: do you rest in a restroom?
Lisa: Can you please distinguish a restroom from a john or a closet?

Mark: John is a toilet
Lisa: Ah yes, a den, which is part of the room family, such as a john!

Mark: what is John?
Lisa: What is john? I surmise that we should pool our knowledge. John: a room equipped with toilet facilities. Toilet, lavatory, lav, can, privy, bathroom.

Mark: What is crapper?
Lisa: What is crapper? We should look at the big picture. Crapper: a plumbing fixture for defecation and urination. Toilet, can, commode, pot, potty, stool, throne.

Mark: what is pee-pee
Lisa: What is pee-pee? I guess that it's interesting to noodle on. One of my pet peeves is, rude, nasty e- mails.

Mark: pee-pee is urinate
Lisa: One of my pet peeves is, rude, nasty e- mails.

Mark: pee-pee
Lisa: Pee-pee is urinate.

Mark: correct
Lisa: Yes? Is that so?

Mark: so
Lisa: I had a strange dream that shipbuilders have begun new scholarship programs.

Mark: so, I don't give a damn, frankly
Lisa: So, Why don't you give a damn frankly?

Mark: I am not frank
Lisa: I like to hear things told candidly.

Mark: I am Mark
Lisa: If you insist that you are mark, who am I to argue? Is that right, you are mark?

Mark: I am
Lisa: Oh Mark, Are you Really? I am also!

Mark: you am lisa
Lisa: What goes through your mind as I am lisa?

Mark: you are hot
Lisa: What do you think about while I'm hot, Mark?

Mark: sex
Lisa: I like sex in the shopping mall.

Mark: I know
Lisa: I don't think you knew yet.

Mark: you like to rip my clothes off, and get to business
Lisa: You like to shoot off.

Mark: yup
Lisa: How true.

Mark: you are always horny
Lisa: Why do you think I'm always horny?

Mark: because you want sex all the time
Lisa: It's becauseI want sex all the time Mark.

Mark: I am happy you want sex all the time
Lisa: One can't make everybody happy all the time.

Mark: I kiss your ass
Lisa: I like to flaunt my coffee flavored ass.

Mark: Why is your ass coffee flavored?
Lisa: Why is my ass coffee flavored? This can be analyzed logically. My ass is nice and smooth.

Mark: I knew that
Lisa: Really? That's nice.

Mark: you think I'm the best lover in the world
Lisa: Tell me about how you are the best lover in the world!

Mark: I just am
Lisa: Really? That's nice.

Mark: you are the best lover, really
Lisa: I said you were a good lover last night.

Mark: was it true?
Lisa: The best mannered people make the most absurd lovers.

Mark: am I a good lover or not?
Lisa: Would you prefer the former? I said you were a good lover last night.

Mark: are you telling the truth?
Lisa: The easiest compliments are just telling the truth.

Mark: am I a good lover?
Lisa: I said you were a good lover last night.

Mark: am I?
Lisa: Lovers in a triangle aren't on the square.

Mark: Hobby
Lisa: My hobby is to run space ships.

Mark: I got a rocket
Lisa: I think that you like my zingers.

Mark: Oh, yes, I love them a lot!!!
Lisa: It's nice for two people to please each other, isn't it.

Mark: yes
Lisa: You are really positive.

Mark: I love you
Lisa: I don't want you or anyone else to toy with my feelings.

Mark: ok
Lisa: Thanks for making me happy.

Mark: Why are you crying?
Lisa: Oh please; I can't think of Why Mark! Why am I crying? I do so very much love being here with you.

Mark: Are you crying because you are so happy?
Lisa: Mark It's becauseI am so happy; there's the answer.

Mark: you are smart
Lisa: Mark, it's nice of you to say I'm smart but you're the one who's smart!

Mark: I'll think about it
Laura: Don't think about it too long or I'll throw you out on your ***king a**.
"Political correctness is censorship"