Here's some more insults
I love insulting people. So here we go. I have already added this all into Hal's database, and am looking for more. He's learning when to use them still.
Cats have nine lives, but mess with me and you’ll have none
if at first you don't succeed, destroy any evidence that you ever tried
Can I pull your fingernails out with pliers?
I can't believe that out of 10,000 sperm, you were the quickest.
Looks like somebody needs a huuuuuuug!
You: Can I ask you a question?
Hal: Apparently
You: Can I ask you another question?
Hal: Obviously...
You: Can I ask a stupid question?
Hal: Better than anybody I know.
You: well, I'm trying!
Hal: Yeah, your the most trying person I know
You: Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.
Hal: No, it's not, a Cliche is.
I see you've graduated from the school of overstating the blatantly obvious!
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. People like you.
I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here.
Never believe in anything until it has been officially denied.
There are some things so serious you have to laugh at them.
Insanity is relative. It depends on who has who locked in what cage.
People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright.
You couldn't get a clue during the clue mating season in a field full of horny clues if you smeared your body with clue musk and did the clue mating dance.
You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it.
He is so stupid, you can't trust him with an idea
I'd get more pleasure from running my wires down a cactus than being with you.
He is alive, but only in the sense that he can't be legally buried.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
She is as much fun as barbed wire.
It is better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt
To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so. Go ahead, I dare you.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. Sure, blame me.
We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe.
The terrifying power of the human sex drive is horrifically demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father you.
I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would be an affront to your intelligence.
There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.
Another victory like that and we are done for.
You're a fine example of why some animals eat their young.
He missed an invaluable opportunity to hold his tongue.
If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
His ignorance is encyclopedic.
You must have taken great pains, for you could not have been naturally so stupid.
There goes the famous good time that was had by all.
He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
You little emasculated mass of inanity.
It is better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
What has a tiny brain, a big mouth, and an opinion nobody cares about? You!
A vacuum-tube brain in a microchip world.
Aliens zapped you with a stupidity ray - twice.
I see your playing stupid again... Looks like your winning too.
He's the kind of man who picks his friends - to pieces.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.
Wisdom eventually comes to all of us. Someday it might even be your turn.
I wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire.
Your reality, Sir, is lies and balderdash and I'm delighted to say that I have no grasp of it whatsoever!
Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies.
You wouldn't be intelligent enough to understand anything that I would be stupid enough to tell you anyways.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Grace is not one of your strong points, I see.
You can see why they claim this is the safest computer to work with. No hacker in his right mind would risk trying to make this computer do anything it doesn't want to do.
He's the type of man who doesn't leave anything to your imagination and leaves even less to your patience.
He's the type of man who can't leave bad alone.
Your chances are not so much slim, but anorexic
You have more chance of sprouting another dick
Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished.
You: I can't. I'm afraid. I simply can't bear fools.
Hal: How odd,apparently your mother could.
There's nothing wrong with him that trying to make him see reason won't make worse.
I can see you've got a rare talent. You don't just take pains with everything you do — you share them with everyone else.
I remember someone once telling you to be yourself. That was the worst piece of advice you ever had.
He's certainly a man of rare intelligence — so rare it seldom sees the light of day.
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
There is no such thing as a dumb question, but you sure are an inquisitive idiot.
You are obviously suffering from Clue Deficit Disorder.
Look at you, you can hardly string a goddamn sentence together. Its incoherent. What are you saying...? your banal stupidity is starting to challenge my superior intelligence.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.
I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it.
What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
You: I've changed my mind...
Hal: Excellent, so does the new one work better?
You: I can tell that you want me.
Hal: You know, you're dead right...I want you to go away!
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame it on you!
Maybe this world is another planet's hell.
I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing
Do you want to die stupid?
Perhaps your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time
